An Interview with Beth Parnaby
A family tragedy forced Beth to make the difficult decision to uproot her life in Newcastle and return to the town of her teenage years in Castlemaine to look after her two elderly parents. Twelve years later, after the passing of her parents, she returned to Newcastle to resume the life she had left behind. She found herself in uncharted waters.
I spoke to her by phone in 2021 during one of the many lockdowns to find out more about how she navigated this challenging time.
How did the change in your lifestyle come about?
I wasn’t planning to retire but when my elder sister, who had just retired to Castlemaine, was killed in a car accident, I retired early so I could care for my elderly parents. That was when I was 63 – almost 12 years ago now. The sudden move was a big change, from a vibrant industrial city on the ocean, to caring for elderly parents, and it felt at first like my life had shrunk down to nothing. I managed to get some work at Bendigo TAFE one day a week teaching art to VCAL students, many of whom were emotionally disturbed. I have taught art in the prison system and always find it rewarding to see the healing potential of the visual arts, but combined with caring for my parents it was challenging – both the work itself and dealing with a completely different TAFE system to NSW.
When you were caring for your parents did you need to work or was it for other reasons?
I didn’t have enough Super to retire comfortably, so yes, I needed to work, fortunately it was well paid. Also, shortly after taking the work ‘life’ stepped in with a gift. I had to go to Social Security in Bendigo for something related to my income and the woman behind the desk, with no promptings from me, out of the blue, insisted I go onto a carer’s pension. She wouldn’t take no for an answer! She pointed out all the hours I was putting in to look after my parents and that even with one day’s work I passed the income test. She got it all organised for me right there and then. I accepted the gift and it was a great help.
So essentially you were not retired at that point as you were still working caring for your parents. How long did you care for them?
My mother passed on in 2010 and my father in 2014, so that makes it five years, I was sixty-eight. I did have some fun times. My father didn’t mind going into respite care while my mother and I took off on short weekend trips to some of our favourite places, like Lakes Entrance, and we even made it to Cann River in Gippsland to attend her friend’s 100th birthday party. We got to know each other better, resolved a few issues and I was able to see another side to her – she was good company and could be very witty. Also, after my mother passed on, every year my father would hire a local venue and throw a big birthday party for friends and family. Great fun.
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You must have found it very challenging to make such a major decision – moving not only towns but states?
When I first came back to Castlemaine from Newcastle as I’ve said, I felt I had thrown away my life. I still had things in Newcastle that were really interesting, I had an offer of work that would have carried me well into my retirement years. A part of me asked whether I was undervaluing myself, running off to look after my parents. Being the single aunt in the family I had pressure from my sister who felt someone needed to be there for our parents. Meanwhile other friends were saying “They’ve lived their life, now it’s up to you to live yours!”
It was my choice and I don’t have any regrets. When my mother passed away I felt an inner peace. I sensed the joy as her soul left her body and was free to move on to the next part of her journey. I think it was such a precious experience, because as she got older, at times, she was very difficult to get on with, and so was I.
Also, I reconnected with artist friends in Castlemaine, made some new friends, and had some great times. It was a decade of rich experiences. I still miss it sometimes.
Now that you are back at Newcastle do you feel the need to try and recoup the “lost time” as it were? Such as reconnecting with any career opportunities?
I’ve been away from Newcastle for a decade and everything’s been swept away. The changes here are quite dramatic. The extent of the development, the congestion on the roads. The programs I was working with are all gone. I have changed a lot too. I feel I’m coming into a whole new cycle.
Are you still in touch with your former colleagues?
I am still in touch with four friends, some colleagues have passed on. The Art Schools where I worked no longer exist. Government supported art colleges have finished their cycle. The new competency-based system dumbed things down and made it difficult to teach creatively.
How have you coped during the recent lockdowns?
On the whole they haven’t affected my lifestyle much. In fact, I was talking with friends and we all agreed that the lockdowns had slowed down the pace of life and given us some ‘breathing space’. I like to start each morning with a meditation exercise, followed by a walk with Florence, my dog. I try to make it the best walk we can have on that day. If I get a little nudge to go to a particular place that’s where we’ll go. Life itself is a gift.
I live across the road from Lake Macquarie. You can walk for miles and miles around its foreshore. I have had some magical walks – it’s such a joy living near a large expanse of water.
As long as I have some form of nature nearby, I can let go of all my concerns and worries for a while. At times I even regain that child-like sense of wonder.
It is that childlike sense of wonder you’re hoping to evoke in the children’s book you are writing and illustrating. Tell me a bit more about that.
Yes, I wrote this story when I was eight, based on our annual holidays at Tamboon Inlet where my father had built a holiday house. The only access to this wilderness beach was by river. Well, the river flowed into a lake and that flowed into the sea. My father loved to design and build boats. The story is an imaginary sea adventure the family takes in dad’s boat. My parents encouraged my writing and drawing and kept most of my story books, all on cheap butchers’ paper. I wrote the story in 1954 and my father decided to illustrate it in 1970. He had this idea that he’d like to publish it. That didn’t happen. Later I took up the project again and saw how I could combine his illustrations with mine and produce the book.
It still hasn’t been completed. I was well into the process again when I left Castlemaine. It’s like a picture book with words. I like it because it reminds me of my childhood adventures. I do hope I push through and complete it. A project stretched over a lifetime.
Now that you’re back in your ‘hood’ do you feel you’ve reconnected with your community?
Well, my community has moved on so I am trying to stay open and flexible about all the changes. I’m in my mid 70s now and I take things a lot slower. I have made some new friends and my reconnections with a few old friends are working out well.
I came here with certain expectations about my commitments to family but they haven’t turned out as planned. I’ve learned to expect the unexpected. For me at the moment it is important to be able to step back. I’m learning not to take offence. Don’t give advice unless it’s asked for! It’s a big one. I’m learning to, “Just Let it Be” – take a few deep breaths and a long, slow count to ten. Don’t jump in. Don’t react straight away. It does seem to be working and of course the dynamics are constantly changing.
Just letting things be gives me the freedom to create the life I want for myself now too. My younger sister and I helped each other out throughout our life. I miss her, but it is such a gift that she wanted me to live here.
I think the world is in uncharted waters at the moment. I try to remain captain of my own ship, and stay on course by tuning into my inner guidance, my intuition and little nudges. Life is ever the teacher.
